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The other night- to my surprise, an old friend reached out just to let me know he's been reading my blog.
We ended up catching up on how our lives have changed since chilled. He's moved out of state and looking to start a new life. I on the other hand am still in Brooklyn, not that there's anything wrong with it. I love NY. There's no other city in the world like this one. There's so much history, diversity and opportunity here, I could never ask for anything more.

Back to our discussion. We went on to speak about our past relationships. Who we loved, who hurt us and so on. The more I heard myself talk about it all the more I realized that I had what I was looking for. Yea people have problems, but that's what makes a relationship. Challenges are what help us build character, and I guess the same can be said about relationships. When you struggle together you grow together. Right?
People stay together after one person has cheated, through job loss, through illness, so I guess I shouldve roughed it out. Maybe there was something else that was bugging me, something else that changed me, made me not want to try so hard.

Chi, I always tell yuo- you're still young, you will find someone who will appreciate you love you and you wil llove them like no other. Honestly, I don't know if that will ever happened. You have been hurt so bad that it will change you. The wounds will heal but you will forever be left with the scars. Trust me I know. I wasn't wronged like you were. But I was crushed at one point. I still believe in love but I don't think I have been able to love the way I once did. Someone told me recently that maybe I'm just afraid of commitment. I never thought I was, I know I wanr to be married one day, I want to build a life with someone, but the more I think about it the more I realize that I never let that happen. I will forever be afraid of falling so deep and getting hurt like I got hurt before. I will never allow that to happen to me again.
the question is now, where do I go from here?

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